1. It’s all flat, barren and ugly. Nothing to see here.
Lamoille Canyon & The Ruby Mountains
2. Culture in Elko? Zip, zero, zilch. It’s way too rural for anything that civilized.
National Basque Festival
3. If you’re a foodie, don’t bother. The only thing you can get your hands on in these parts is meat and potatoes.
Blue Moon Asian Cuisine & Sushi
4. Into hunting? Keep moving. there aren’t any trophy animals anywhere in sight, and definitely nowhere to learn about—or honor—northeastern Nevada’s creature scene.
Northeastern Nevada Museum
5. It’s completely gloomy year-round, and there’s hardly any outdoor adventure worth diving into. A real no-fun zone.
Ruby Crest National Recreation Trail
6. There’s absolutely no nightlife or downtown scene worth seeing, so you might as well do yourself a favor and stay on Interstate 80.
Downtown Elko
7. All the locals are downright rude and super standoffish. No Sagebrush Saloons worth traveling to around here!
Jiggs Bar
8. There’s some western stuff here, but it’s not even legit.
J.M. Capriola Co.
9. There is absolutely no history worth seeing. Even if you do find some cool relics, you can’t get close enough to really take a look and appreciate it.
Historic Jarbidge Jail
10. Nevada’s one big ol’ flat, empty basin, so there’s no skiing scene anywhere. Especially in this neck of the woods.
Ruby Mountain Heli-Ski Experience
11. And if you adore specialty cocktails, you can forget it. Elko is on Miller Time only.
The Star Hotel
12. There’s a teensy-tiny event called Cowboy Poetry, but everyone around here is super insincere and unwelcoming. No incredible live music, signature artisanship, original performances, or genuine connection around here. Moving on!
National Cowboy Poetry Gathering 2022 – Cancelled
13. There aren’t any geologic features or scenic vistas anywhere near Elko. Everywhere you look is just so damned dull.
Jarbidge Wilderness Area
14. Nobody ever comes here, especially not for events like the oldest rodeo in Nevada. Boring!
Silver State Stampede
15. Situated in the middle of one of America’s most enormous and isolated deserts, there’s definitely no water—or wildlife!—in sight.
Ruby Lake National Wildlife Refuge
16. And the trout fishing scene up in northeastern Nevada is nothing to write home about. Bull Trout, Schmull Schmout.
Jarbidge River
17. The hotels around here are a real dump.
Red’s Ranch
18. And the men? They’re all a bunch of jerks. Nobody knows how to treat a lady around here, chivalry is all the way D-E-A-D.
Learn to Two-Step
BLECH! This place is soooo not for us.
Rubies Route road trip
