1. It’s all flat, barren and ugly. Nothing to see here.

Lamoille Canyon Scenic Byway

2. Culture in Elko? Zip, zero, zilch. It’s way too rural for anything that civilized.

Elko’s National Basque Festival

3. If you’re a foodie, don’t bother. The only thing you can get your hands on in these parts is meat and potatoes.

Blue Moon Asian Cuisine & Sushi Bar

4. If you’re into hunting, keep it moving. No trophy animals anywhere in sight, and definitely no offbeat ways to commemorate successfully nabbing your game.

The Outdoor Inn

5. It’s gloomy year-round, and there is hardly any outdoor adventure worth diving into. A real no-fun zone.

Liberty Lake in Lamoille Canyon

6. And there’s absolutely no nightlife or downtown scene, so you might as well do yourself a favor and stay on I-80.

Commercial Casino and Stockmen’s Hotel

7. All the locals are downright rude and super standoffish.

Jigg’s Bar

8. There’s some western stuff here, but it’s not even legit.

J.M. Capriola Co.

9. There is absolutely no history worth seeing.  Even if you find some cool relics, you can’t get close enough to appreciate it.

Jarbidge Jail

10. Nevada doesn’t have any skiing worth checking out, especially in this neck of the woods.

Ruby Mountain Heli-Ski Experience

11. And if you adore uncommon cocktails, forget it. Elko is on Miller Time, only.

The Star Hotel

12. There’s this teensy tiny event called Cowboy Poetry, but all the performers are really high and mighty, not to mention insincere. Bad vibes all over the place.

The National Cowboy Poetry Gathering

13. There are no noteworthy geological features near Elko. Everywhere you look is just so dang dull.

Jarbidge Wilderness Area

14. Nobody comes here, essssspecially not for the oldest rodeo in the state.

Silver State Stampede

15. Remember that this chunk of Nevada is in the middle of the Great Basin, one of the nation’s most enormous and desolate deserts. So there’s definitely no water in sight.

Ruby Lake National Wildlife Refuge

16. And the fishing scene is nothing to write home about. Bull Trout, Schmull Schmout.

Jarbidge Wilderness Area

17. The hotels around here are just a real dump.

Red’s Ranch

18. If you’re into microbreweries, keep it moving. There is nothing original or gratifying about the brown bottle scene in this vicinity.

Ruby Mountain Brewing Co. 

19. And the men? They’re all a bunch of jerks. No one knows how to treat a lady around here, chivalry is totally dead.

The National Cowboy Poetry Gathering

BLECH! This place is sooooo not for me.

Jarbidge Wilderness Area