1. It’s all flat, barren and ugly. Nothing to see here.
2. Culture in Elko? Zip, zero, zilch. It’s way too rural for anything that civilized.
3. If you’re a foodie, don’t bother. The only thing you can get your hands on in these parts is meat and potatoes.
4. Into hunting? Keep moving. there aren’t any trophy animals anywhere in sight, and definitely nowhere to learn about—or honor—northeastern Nevada’s creature scene.
5. It’s completely gloomy year-round, and there’s hardly any outdoor adventure worth diving into. A real no-fun zone.
6. There’s absolutely no nightlife or downtown scene worth seeing, so you might as well do yourself a favor and stay on Interstate 80.
7. All the locals are downright rude and super standoffish. No Sagebrush Saloons worth traveling to around here!
8. There’s some western stuff here, but it’s not even legit.
9. There is absolutely no history worth seeing. Even if you do find some cool relics, you can’t get close enough to really take a look and appreciate it.
10. Nevada’s one big ol’ flat, empty basin, so there’s no skiing scene anywhere. Especially in this neck of the woods.
11. And if you adore specialty cocktails, you can forget it. Elko is on Miller Time only.
12. There’s a teensy-tiny event called Cowboy Poetry, but everyone around here is super insincere and unwelcoming. No incredible live music, signature artisanship, original performances, or genuine connection around here. Moving on!
13. There aren’t any geologic features or scenic vistas anywhere near Elko. Everywhere you look is just so damned dull.
14. Nobody ever comes here, especially not for events like the oldest rodeo in Nevada. Boring!
15. Situated in the middle of one of America’s most enormous and isolated deserts, there’s definitely no water—or wildlife!—in sight.
16. And the trout fishing scene up in northeastern Nevada is nothing to write home about. Bull Trout, Schmull Schmout.
17. The hotels around here are a real dump.
18. And the men? They’re all a bunch of jerks. Nobody knows how to treat a lady around here, chivalry is all the way D-E-A-D.
BLECH! This place is soooo not for us.
